That feeling you're feeling

What’s happening right now is monumental.

Over the past year, exacerbated more so in the last month, we are becoming habituated to see, hear and read distressing things. And so, somehow, I notice it is starting to wash over, as I slide through everyday. Perhaps we are trying to deal with it by attempting to be impermeable, or weatherproof?

Typically, my job includes asking people to slow down, observe, and begin to absorb the totality of something that is often too enormous for them to face. We begin to break it down, into smaller pieces, and try to make it more digestible. For example, when considering change, we would look at the task as an incremental process, meaning we would begin by taking baby-steps towards the end goal, whether it's a change in your thought process or the way you communicate in your relationships.

But what should we be doing right now? How should we be feeling?

The idea is to allow yourself to feel things, not to avoid them, so that whenever you are ready to, you can start to process your thoughts and emotions; to challenge our fixed ideas, or assumptions around how you "should be feeling". So I encourage you to turn within yourself and check-in with how you're feeling, and become aware of what it is that you need to get through right now.

I'm sharing 5 things that are helping me cope right now:

Grounding myself: This is at the start of every morning. Slowing down, before the chaos of the day ensues. My grounding ritual includes a cup of coffee or watering my plants, you can try something else! On a particularly difficult day, I need to to re-centre myself at several moments along the day.

Empathy: Being kinder towards my self and others. Not being harsh, replacing self-criticism with self-compassion. And applying the same rule to other people I interact with, especially my partner!

Connection: Again, this is with myself and other people. Being attuned to my feelings and needs makes me better placed to connect with another person too. If I'm aware I'm stressed, that changes the way I relate to the other person because I can ask for the support I need.

My partner and I recently introduced a 'ritual of connection', where we take a short walk everyday, at the same time, regardless of whatever else is going on in our day.

Creativity: Introducing creativity in my work and outside of it helps me make shifts in my perspectives and creates space for novelty, possibility and transformation. This could be reading, writing, art, music, play.

Managing exposure to information/ news: This is a big one for me; I notice the impact scrolling through my phone has on my anxiety right now. I make a huge effort to avoid the constant flow of fear-inducing notifications, news updates and forwards by implementing a strict I-need-to-stay-away-from-my-phone rule, especially at night because it's likely to impact how I sleep.

I hope you allow yourself to find your mix of coping strategies. Good luck!

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About the Author: Mallika Verma

Mallika Verma is a psychologist, and couples and family therapist. She has previously worked across a range of public and private healthcare settings in India and the UK. She now practices privately in Mumbai and Delhi. Learn more at: www.mallikaverma.com or get in touch with her on: mallikavermatherapy@gmail.com.