The family lifecycle: has your family transitioned over time?

An attempt to normalise the challenge of change

You may be familiar with the concept of a lifecycle, like that of a caterpillar becoming a butterfly, or even the developmental stages of a human being. Yet what is often overlooked is that each family is also a unit of its own, which moves through time. The family lifecycle highlights the progression of family members and their relationships over time, and at each stage, the ways in which a family as a whole experiences the demand for change together, not just each family member. Sometimes, this may be triggered by the entry or exit of a family member, such as through birth, marriage, divorce or death.

It is crucial to highlight, this is not a prescriptive process- there is no “right” way of going through the family lifecycle, instead the experience is specific to each family, based on their unique context. For example, a nuclear family may go through a big change when their adult child leaves home for the first time. Alternatively, for a joint family, the transition when a new member enters the family through marriage may be one where they are more likely to experience change. Similarly, for a blended family, the entry of a step-parent may be an important stage of transition.

Families come in all shapes and forms; no matter the type, it is normal for each family to experience their own set of changes and challenges during the course of their family lifecycle.

Becoming aware of family lifecycle transitions allows us to recognise nodal points of change and a chance to prepare for it together. For example, for families with adolescents, adapting to this stage may involve a re-adjustment of several family relationships. This may mean allowing space for some more flexibility or autonomy in the parent-child relationship, based on a teenager's need for growing independence. Similarly, for the parents, this could mean taking on more responsibility for caring for their own parents. For grandparents, this could mean becoming aware of their constraints and adjusting to a sort of 'role reversal', where their children may begin to care for them.

Change is inevitable; what’s important is how each family is able to adapt to their unique changes and challenges together. Many families face most of their difficulties and problems during the transition between different stages, as it is during these times that there comes a need to find a new family balance.

What do you think has been an important stage of change in your family's lifecycle?

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About the Author: Mallika Verma

Mallika Verma is a psychologist, and couples and family therapist. She has previously worked across a range of public and private healthcare settings in India and the UK. She now practices privately in Mumbai and Delhi. Learn more at: www.mallikaverma.com or get in touch with her on: mallikavermatherapy@gmail.com.