How are you, really?

The importance of communication.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about "The struggle that is, communication" and the ways in which emotions tend to influence our communication in close relationships. But what happens when we learn to avoid communicating and/or sharing our thoughts and feelings altogether?

1. A build-up of emotions such as, sadness, fear, guilt, loneliness, frustration, etc. over time may result in angry outbursts, panic attacks and/or long-lasting mental health difficulties, such as anxiety, depression, trauma, relationship distress or familial conflict.

2. In the Indian context, emotional distress is more likely to manifest in the form of physical health problems; perhaps once our body is impacted, it becomes harder to ignore the problem at hand.

For example, anxiety frequently shows up as acne, increased hair loss, migraines, stomach bugs and digestive issues. More generally, this could mean frequent visits to various doctors, a weakened immune system or even chronic physical illness. I believe this indicates a systemic issue around how comfortable we feel to talk about our emotional and mental health, in contrast to our physical health.

So, if you're a parent or partner, whether you're new to the job or you've been doing it for years, create spaces for dialogue and conversation on a regular basis. For example:

1. Sit down together and eat a meal without distractions (like watching TV, using the phone or other gadgets).

2. Play a board game or sport together, go for a walk or find a shared activity that allows you to connect.

3. Talk about your day, what happened, what went well, what was difficult, how you felt about it. Ask "how are you, really?"

Remember, the idea is to encourage communication- so be open and attentive, listen and share, acknowledge an alternate viewpoint- create supportive and safe spaces for communication!

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About the Author: Mallika Verma

Mallika Verma is a psychologist, and couples and family therapist. She has previously worked across a range of public and private healthcare settings in India and the UK. She now practices privately in Mumbai and Delhi. Learn more at: www.mallikaverma.com or get in touch with her on: mallikavermatherapy@gmail.com.